another cute conversation

.......of the online realm.




A young man called Dreamz_Eternal:

hey

I'm a young lusty guy looking for an intimate relationship which includes long wet kisses, candle lit bedrooms, soft music in the background and lots of foreplay.

i shall treat you like a queen with all the gentleness and tenderness, would love to have erotic conversations and sensual foreplay, lot of cuddling and fondling

you look just like my abstract beautiful luscious lady whom i always fantasize in my dreams!!! i have developed an uncontrollable desire to touch you, feel you and love you!!

hope to hear from you, meet you and give you all the fun and pleasure anytime you need.. i am sure you will find me attractive, sexy and lovable..



My response:

I can think of nothing less seductive for me than soft music and candle lit bedrooms.



Dreamz:

hey i want to kiss you



My response:

"long wet kisses"



Dreamz:

You are my only sweetness, my honey!



My response:

i am not. i am cruel, and a waste of your time



Dreamz:

honey, the more cruel you become, the more i will love you, you have such soft hands, really feel like licking them and drinking all the juices from your gorgeous body



My response:

you would drink my blood?



Dreamz:

oh i would love to... even blood from a sweet girl like you would taste like honey, my sweetness...

its raining outside and theres something sexy about the rain, wish i was with you..

you take good care of yourself... missing u much..

xoxoxo



My response:

how can you miss me when ive been a complete bitch to you?



Dreamz:

haha... i like wild bitches...
and you are a sweet wild bitch, blondie...

i was trying to write a poem for you...just completed it sometime back, i am typing it here.. plz read it and let me know how did you like the poem...

*****************************************


Her lips are so soft, like a baby
Her smell intoxicates me, she is my lady
her bubbly nature, she makes me crazy

she is gorgeous, oh! , the effect of her smile
i have only known her now, its not even been a while
she dresses like a queen, effervescent is her style

in the dark nights, under the blue sky
i wish i had wings, i wish i could fly
nothing matches her beauty, what should i buy
its mesmerizing, even a glance in her eye

*************************************************


plz tellme how did you find this poem....



My response:

that was hilarious. you should do a duet with ricky martin.
just remember... she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee.




Unfortunately, he truly did put his heart and soul into that little lovesong, and his feelings were never the same after I had hurt him so.

Never hang out with father and his friends

It's friday evening and the night starts innocently enough at a nice restaurant in downtown Chicago. My dad is reuniting with a few guys from medical school and I come along for the food. A basket of bread is passed around and the man next to me, Sig, is frazzled by what is inside one of the loaves.

Me "It's raisins."
Sig "They look like BLACK OLIVES?"
Me "No, raisins."
Sig "Guys look- you think these are jalapenos?"
Me "RAISINS."
Sig "WILLY, JOE, take a look at this ya think they put something funny in here- GET THE WAITER-

One of the staff of Mexicans is nearby

Sig "Senor! What's in here?"
Waiter "Raisins, sir"

My father, I think it should be mentioned, is the only sober one amongst our table of six men. And I don't mean just by alcoholic measures. The men were high and drunk beyond comprehension.


[sitting on my other side]
Robert "Oy, milady, ye ar verry kind pass that bottl o scotch- AhhaaaHGAAAA"
Me "What's wrong with you guys? And that's wine. Are you guys high?"
Robert "Heeh heh, yeahh."
Me "Wait- WHAT?? Are you serious!??"
Robert "Hhyeah"
Me "How did you get here with weed? You guys are from all over the country, I know you didnt bring it to the airport"
Robert "John lives in Michigan he just drove it up heeeere!-" bursting into giggles
"We've just been smokin the reefers in the room, he has this machine and it-"
Me "You guys HAVE A VAPORIZER IN THE HOTEL ROOM?"
Robert [maniacal laughter]


We eat and Sig is telling me about some backpacking trip where he stumbled across this wonderful female tarantula who was on a set path towards something.
Sig "She was on a mission, that girl. She was taking me somewhere and I was following, so then we get to this trail and I'm tellin you the floor was just covered in these white flowers.....It was the most beautiful place... I turn around, and she'd left."
Me "Wait, are we still talking about the spider?"
He looks at me, stupified by my incoherency
Sig "Yeah! I tried to ask for her number BUT SHE JUSWOULDNT give it to me!!"

As the main course dwindles, people are relinquishing their meals without getting a to-go box. As a lazy college student I cannot let this happen.

Me "Hey! No! I want everything here wrapped up." waving my arms wildly
Sig "Ohh ok what do you want? You know we can get something else and have that for you too
"Sir! Hey, I'd like another order of-what do you want?
Me "Just some more vegetables I guess."
Sig "If we could get some mushrooms, aspargus, spinach, onions-"
Dad "Whoa whoa Sig. Sir we don't need-"
Sig "YES." never wavering from his order to the waitor
"We'll need an order of that and wrapped up with the rest-"
Dad "Sig c'mon there's plennnty of food. We have enough-"
Sig "SHE WANTS THE SPINACH"
Me "Oh my god"

the next thing I know Sig is dangerously eyeing Willy from across the table

Sig "No, you motherfucker!! Don't go messing with the facts, I WAS THERE"

We have successfully attracted the attention of many heads around the room. Dessert comes and its two foot high cakes, carrot and ice cream.

Sig "Ooh Senor! Vominos, si- I would like some cake."
Waiter "Yes sir"
Sig "I speak a little spanish, ey? Frio!-mucho impor-tant senor-ey"
Waiter "Ha ha." laughing lightly.


Ten years later we finish eating and go outside. I'm looking to rally a taxi for the troops when I hear, "Ohh, what nice hair" and find two of the men and Willy touching the top of some girls afro with her frightened friend.
Robert "Hey, you gotta ASK first" they laugh

I turn to my right and find my father with his arms outstretched, "Group hug" to a pair of girls in an embrace

Me "Dad- stop it!"


One of the men, Waldman, approaches me and says defiantly, "So I hear our night is being cut short because we have to take YOU home."
Me "What- pff. Don't let me stop you. A bunch of 50 year olds in their prime."
Waldman "Hey, I'm 48."
Me "Great."

Waldman "Anyways, what's the rush? I've never seen a college kid so eager to go home on a friday night!"
Me "Just because I'm going home, doesn't mean I'm STAYING home."
Waldman "HAA!! Well said."
"This ones a firecracker", walking off, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at me.

The group starts walking and I am horrified to find our night is not over. The men, in fact, ARE going out. Our surroundings are prevalent of the just-hit-legal demographic, and I wonder what they think upon seeing one of their own amongst a group of balding hooligans. I don't know who I feel worse for, my company or myself.
They are drunk... So myself.

Mom Got a Bong

Just arrive in Texas for winter break, mom picks me up from airport.


[In the car driving home]
Mom "Oh, so I don’t know if you knew, but I have an elephant collection…
Me "No. I didn’t know you were in the circus, or about the elephant riding or anything. Of course I know about your elephant OBSESSION.
Mom "Well when I was in Jamaica there were all these little elephant figurines and the lady said this one changed colors when you lit it-

She surreptitiously pulls from the side of the car door…

Me "Mom, that’s a BONG"
Mom "I know, your old mom caught with drug paraphernalia, how bout that?"
Me "That’s not like a candle! How could you not know what that was???"
Mom "Well I did know, but I just liked it so much."
Me "Are you.. going to use it?"
Mom "What? Of course not."
Me "Can I?"
Mom "No! I want to put it in my collection!"
Me "Well. If you find it conveniently missing one day, im not denying that I took it."

Excerpt from Maya

"Day one:

The eleventh hour. 60, 000 degree outside. I walk into my apt for the first time, what is the first thing that corinne says to me? This is the first thing Corinne Morris says to me

“is that from American Apparel?”

It is SO tellnig beyond anything. Weinman! I dunno. What kind of person- she didn’t get to know me… she was NOT friendly.

She just looked me up and down.

Another thing- Rachel was the interesting one. that’s the GENIUS of Rachel, she put on an insecure front, she opened up to me and unelashed the evil genius to me, everything she said to me was Cold Calculated, PRECISE. She’s a piranha!!@ a social piranha!"

research studio critique: for chuck.

see?i didnt make it up i know how to maneuver a blog

leave a good critique comment

Nature Party

I pretty much bombard myself onto the trip once I find out friends from another apartment are going to a nature party.

["Nature party" is synonym for a trance/electro party sprinkled with a healthy dosage of drugs and... nice people. It is set in a naturistic area undisturbed by any bordering cities or public infringements. Example: desert, woods, etc. Nature parties are parallel to raves, for the simple reason that they last throughout the entire day. Starting from anywhere in the morning/noon to.. sunset. ad beyond. The locations are only revealed the day of.]

Me "What're you doing tomorrow?"
Danielle "we're going to a nature party."
Me "WHAT! IWANNACOMECANICOME"
Danielle "Uh, sure."
Me "Yesssss."
Danielle "I don't think there's enough seats in the car though."
Me "It's OK I CAN SIT IN THE TRUNK!"
Danielle "well, ok. I'll call and ask."


That night we go out to a Glam-ou-rama party and I get back at 5:30. I wake up around 10 because a strange boy was in the room (not mine). I think about things. Daniel the Designated Driver is picking us up.. at 10:30. AHH

I take a look in the mirror...
The silver lightening bolt I painted across my face has crusted to my skin and there are bits of glitter clumps stuck in my eyebrows. And I smell like... I went out. With no time to change I scuttle over to the other apartment in what I wore out last night; a fuschia tank top sans bra, purple jeans with the pockets cut out, bright purple heels.
After getting there I meet my, unbeknownst to him, transportation bitch of the day.

Daniel is one of the most inane human beings I have ever met. He's one of those that has nothing real to offer, and is pretty much the equivalent to any basic life form. And I say this with a most gleeful heart, because I felt A o.k. in doing whatever the hell I wanted without regard for him. Amen boring people.

We get to an expansive field of mini sanddunes with what appears to be a strange maze of sandy trails everywhere. There's absolutely no way not to get lost, but we find our destination. There are so many nearly naked guys with the hardened lanky bodies that scream "I GREW UP ON A MOSHAV!" I want to cry. Let it be known, that throughout this entire day, every single person was BEAUTIFUL. It was as if a secret letter went out summoning the prescence of every stunning human in Israel to come right HERE. I can't even tell you where "here" was.

We put our stuff down under the large dance tent and meander off.
After a couple minutes of trekking through larger dunes and down some hills.... WEAREINHAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are literally standing on the edge of a cliff, overlooking some increbible body of water and a decaying ship structure out not too far from the shoreline below us?...
Where the fuck are we?

[all in all the events that follow were... rather strange. some human-powered kites floating around, a couple tribal girls with metal sticks leading a frenzy of people in touching random figures hanging from the tent ceiling...

I recommend going if you have any of these desires:

to have sex

to do drugs

to dance

to have sex on drugs in front of a lot of people

to not care about doing any of the above]

Birthday Party

[WARNING: As much as I don't actually want to offend anyone, I have a duty to uphold. I weighed my options, took a poll, I even consulted with my conscious.]


I've been thinking a lot about how to describe last night. and I think the best way is to skim over the highlights.

1) Because Nofar lives in a place I've never been, I got lost. What ended up happening was me walking to RAMAT-AVIV. From dizengoff, down arlozerov, to ibn gverol, all the way across some bridge, to some bright tower... at which it was half past midnight ans Nofar called and insisted I get picked up by someone because it was not safe. Pfff. I spent an hour and a half walking just to get picked up. how anti-climatic.


2) Once in the car (Abby and Nofar's male cousin came for me), I go "wooOOO rescue TEAM!"
Nobody smiled.


3) Abby "So what happened to you?"
Me "Well, I was hoping to you know, get here by BUS, but- OH! Can you turn up the music?@! This is Major Tom!! BY PETER SCHILLING!! Oohohh and HERE COMES THE CHORUS!"

cousin starts asking me how I know Nofar
Me "I know what you're thinking. And I was invited."


4) Have you ever seen the Virgin Suicides? The party scene in the basement? That was Nofar's birthday party.
Except no one died.

I walk in and everyone is seated facing each other, no real conversations, drunk or sober, are going on. It was one of those situations where if the music should stop for some reason the room is immediately filled with a tangible anxiety and desperation for something to save them from their own mundane lives.
I immediately dive into the alcohol. Fifteen minutes later..... same scene. I turn to Ariela, "Um, I have a small question. Does anybody here DRINK?"

Seriously, who doesn't drink at birthday parties? And not even that, but if anyone needed some liqeur lovin, it was these guys. Here's the guest list:


Ariela
Ariela's sister
Jenny
Yarden
Abby
Cousin
Ugly guy
And three people who were "Nofar's boyfriends"

And me.

It's too bad Leigh couldn't make it, then we could have the whole gang together!

However, there was one person who knew the right thing to do. The birthday girl herself, shithoused. Probably to escape the reality that these were infact her friends. And also probably because it was her birthday.

I make some small talk with Ariela and her sister, Jenny and Yarden, but I just can't play this game anymore.
So I just continue being myself and go into another room and fall asleep.